Purpose

The 1:1 exists to serve the direct report, not the manager. Its purpose is to:

• Build and maintain a trusting working relationship
• Surface what the person is actually thinking, not just what they are willing to say in a group setting
• Identify and remove blockers before they compound
• Understand what motivates the person and whether that motivation is being met
• Develop the person over time - their skills, their confidence, their career

What it is not for:

• Project status updates (that belongs in team rituals)
• Ad hoc problem-solving that could be a quick message
• The manager talking through their own concerns and priorities
• Box-ticking - a 1:1 that runs because it is in the calendar but has no real substance is worse than no 1:1, because it consumes time and erodes trust

If your 1:1s feel like standups for two people, something has gone wrong. The fix is not to cancel them. The fix is to change how they run.

When to Use This Playbook

Cadence:

• Weekly for everyone you manage directly - this is the default and the recommendation
• Fortnightly as a minimum - anything less and you lose continuity, context, and trust accumulation
• Never less than fortnightly unless agreed explicitly with the person, with a clear rationale

The right frequency is the one where neither party feels like they are having to hold too much between sessions. If your direct report is storing up five blockers for a fortnightly meeting, it should be weekly.

Who initiates:

The meeting is in the calendar on a fixed recurring slot. Neither party should need to initiate it. It just happens.

Who sets the agenda:

The direct report. Every time. The manager's job is to show up prepared to follow their lead, ask questions, and hold space for what the person brings.

If the direct report arrives with no agenda, do not fill the time with your own topics. Ask: "What's been on your mind this week?" or "What do you most want to talk about today?" Then wait.

Triggers to run an ad hoc 1:1 outside the regular cadence:

• The person has just received difficult news (project cancelled, role restructured, feedback they did not expect)
• You have something difficult to say that should not wait until the next scheduled session
• You notice a significant change in energy, engagement, or output
• The person asks for time

Before You Start

Before each session, spend five minutes:

• Read your notes from the last session - what did you agree to follow up on?
• Check your follow-through - did you do what you said you would do?
• Think about what you have noticed about this person since the last session - energy, output, interactions with the team
• Review any feedback you have received about them or that they should receive
• Consider where they are in their development goals - is there something specific to explore today?
• Resist the urge to build a list of things you want to discuss - your agenda is secondary

Before the first 1:1 with someone new:

• Share your approach - explain that the time is theirs, that you use it for their agenda, and that you are not expecting a status report
• Ask how they have experienced 1:1s in the past - what has worked, what has felt like a waste of time
• Agree on logistics: format (video, in-person, walking), duration, how you will capture notes

The Process

Step 1 - Open with their agenda (5 minutes)

Start by handing ownership to them. Do not open with your topics. Do not open with "so how are things?" as a formality and then immediately move to what you want to discuss.

Opening questions that work:

• "What's most on your mind today?"
• "What do you most want to get out of this time?"
• "Where do you want to start?"
• "What's been taking up the most headspace this week?"
• "Is there anything that needs to come off your chest before we get into anything else?"

Opening questions that close the conversation:

• "How's the project going?" - invites a status update
• "Are you feeling okay about the sprint?" - invites a yes/no answer
• "Everything good?" - invites a one-word answer and signals you are not really asking

Give them time to think. Silence is not a problem to fill. If they say "I'm not sure where to start," reflect back: "That's fine - take a moment and see what surfaces."

Step 2 - Follow the thread (15 minutes)

Once they bring something, your job is to go deeper, not wider. Resist the urge to pivot to something else. Resist the urge to solve the problem immediately. Your primary mode is listening and asking.

Questions that deepen:

• "Say more about that."
• "What's making that hard?"
• "What have you tried?"
• "What do you think the real issue is?"
• "How is that landing with you?"
• "What does good look like from where you are sitting?"
• "What would need to be true for that to feel better?"

Notice what is not being said. If they mention something quickly and then move on, that is often where the real thing lives. "You mentioned [X] briefly - I'd like to come back to that. What's going on there?"

The four types of 1:1 - know which one you are in:

Most sessions are a blend. The skill is knowing which mode to be in and shifting between them without losing the thread.

Step 3 - Your topics, briefly (5 minutes)

After their agenda has been worked through, you can bring your own topics - but keep this brief and signal the shift clearly.

"I have a couple of things I wanted to raise too - is there time and space for that?"

Topics you might bring:

• Feedback you have been meaning to give
• Something you noticed about their work or behaviour that is worth naming
• Context about the organisation that affects them
• Something you want to think through together

Never let your topics dominate. If you consistently have more to say than they do, the 1:1 has become your meeting.

Step 4 - Agree actions and close (5 minutes)

Before you close, explicitly agree what is happening next:

• What are you going to do before the next session?
• What are they going to do?
• Is there anything you both agreed to think about but not act on yet?

Closing questions:

• "Is there anything we did not get to that you wish we had?"
• "What are you leaving with?"
• "Anything else before we close?"

Handling the "everything is fine" direct report

Some people will consistently say everything is fine and give you nothing to work with. This is almost always one of three things:

1. They do not trust you yet. Trust is built through consistency over time. Keep showing up, keep following through, keep making the time feel safe. Do not push harder - that increases the defensiveness.

2. They genuinely prefer low-touch. Some people do not want deep conversations about how they are feeling. They want to get on with their work. Respect this, but check in occasionally on the bigger things (career, motivation, blockers). You can do this lightly: "I know we don't always go deep in these - is there anything bigger-picture you'd like to spend some time on at some point?"

3. They have learned that 1:1s are not useful. If someone has had a long run of bad 1:1s, they will have stopped investing in them. The fix is demonstrating value over time - showing up prepared, following through, making things better because of the conversation.

Do not try to force depth. Do not make them feel bad for being brief. Keep showing up well and let trust accumulate.

What Good Looks Like

Signals that the 1:1 is working:

• The direct report arrives with things they want to talk about
• They bring you problems before the problems become crises
• They say things to you in 1:1s they would not say in team meetings
• You leave the session knowing more than you did before it - about them, about the team, about blockers you can address
• Actions you agreed to get done
• The person's development is moving - not just discussed, but actually progressing
• Over time, their confidence and capability visibly grow

Signals that the 1:1 is not working:

• The same topics come up every session with no movement
• They consistently say "nothing much" and leave early
• You consistently have more to say than they do
• You are regularly cancelling or moving it
• Neither of you looks forward to it

If the 1:1 is not working, say so. "I feel like these sessions are not as useful as they could be for you. What would make them better?" That conversation, done directly, often unlocks more than months of plodding along.

Common Failures

Failure 1 - The manager fills the silence with their own agenda

Why it happens: Silence feels uncomfortable. The manager has things to say. It is easier to talk than to wait.

What it costs: The direct report learns that the 1:1 is not really for them. They stop bringing things.

What to do instead: Hold the silence. Ask an open question and wait for the answer. If you have topics, put them at the end. If you run out of time, carry them to a different channel.

Failure 2 - The status update trap

Why it happens: "How's the project going?" is an easy opener. It produces an answer. It feels like a useful conversation.

What it costs: You end up with project status you could have got in the team standup, and no insight into what is actually going on for the person.

What to do instead: Deliberately avoid project-level openers. If they bring up a project, go to the person level: "How are you finding it?" rather than "What's the progress?"

Failure 3 - Cancelling or moving it regularly

Why it happens: Meetings fill up. The 1:1 feels less urgent than whatever else is in the calendar.

What it costs: The direct report learns that they are less important than whatever displaced them. Each cancellation erodes trust. A pattern of cancellations signals - regardless of intent - that the manager does not value the relationship.

What to do instead: Treat the 1:1 as inviolable. If something has to move, move your other commitments first. If it genuinely must move, move it in the same week and to a specific time, not vaguely "next week."

Failure 4 - Promising things and not following through

Why it happens: In the moment, the manager says "I'll look into that" or "I'll get you connected to so-and-so." Then it falls off the radar.

What it costs: Every unkept commitment tells the direct report that their concerns are not really important. After a few of these, they stop raising things.

What to do instead: Only commit to things you are genuinely going to do. If you are not sure, say "I'll think about whether I can do something about that." Take notes and review them before the next session.

Failure 5 - Solving instead of listening

Why it happens: Managers are often promoted because they are good at solving problems. When someone brings a problem, the instinct is to fix it.

What it costs: The direct report never develops their own problem-solving. They also often do not actually want you to fix it - they want to think through it with someone.

What to do instead: Ask "Do you want me to help you think through this, or do you just need to vent?" Most of the time they need the former. Start with questions before you move to suggestions. If you have a strong view, share it after you have heard theirs: "I have a thought on this - do you want to hear it?"

Failure 6 - Avoiding the difficult thing

Why it happens: It is easier to have a pleasant conversation than a difficult one. Managers often convince themselves "now is not the right time."

What it costs: The difficult thing compounds. The person who needed feedback six sessions ago has now been operating without it for months.

What to do instead: If there is something that needs to be said, say it. A useful frame: "There's something I've been meaning to raise and I haven't found the right moment. I'm going to just say it because I think it matters." Then say it directly, specifically, and with care.

Checklist

Use this on the day.

Before the session:

• Reviewed notes from last session
• Confirmed I followed through on what I said I would do
• Thought about what I have noticed about this person recently
• Identified any feedback I should give
• Set my own agenda aside - this is their time

During the session:

• Opened with their agenda, not mine
• Asked an open question and waited for the answer
• Followed the thread rather than jumping topics
• Listened more than I spoke
• Did not immediately solve - asked questions first
• Gave feedback if there was feedback to give
• Raised my topics briefly at the end, if there was time

To close:

• Agreed clear actions - who is doing what by when
• Asked if there was anything we did not get to
• Noted anything to follow up on before next session

After the session:

• Captured notes in the agreed place
• Acted on anything I said I would act on
• Set a reminder for anything time-sensitive

Quick Reference - Question Bank

To open

• "What's most on your mind today?"
• "Where do you want to start?"
• "What would make this a useful 30 minutes for you?"

To go deeper

• "Say more about that."
• "What's making that hard?"
• "What do you think is really going on?"
• "How are you finding it?"
• "What does good look like from your perspective?"

To surface the unsaid

• "Is there anything else going on that we haven't talked about?"
• "You mentioned briefly - I noticed that. What's happening there?"
• "On a scale of one to ten, how energised are you right now? What would make it an eight?"

To develop

• "What are you trying to get better at?"
• "What would you do differently if you were in that situation again?"
• "Who do you know who is really good at that? What could you learn from them?"
• "What's the next challenge you want to take on?"

To give feedback

• "Can I share something I've noticed?"
• "There's something I wanted to raise - is now a good time?"
• "I want to give you some feedback. I'm raising it because I think it's important and I want to help."

To close

• "What are you leaving with?"
• "Is there anything we didn't get to?"
• "What do you need from me before next time?"

Format and Environment

The logistics of the 1:1 matter more than most managers think.

In-person vs remote:

Both work. What matters is consistency and privacy. A remote 1:1 where the person is worried about being overheard is worse than a remote 1:1 with a door closed and good audio. An in-person 1:1 in a glass-walled meeting room where the whole office can see is worse than a quiet corner with two chairs.

For sensitive conversations - difficult feedback, significant career discussions, anything emotionally charged - in-person is strongly preferred where possible.

Walking 1:1s:

Worth trying if neither of you is in a note-taking mode. The side-by-side format removes eye contact as a pressure, and movement can loosen up the conversation. Not suitable when the conversation requires a whiteboard, when one or both of you needs to look at something, or when notes are critical.

Duration:

30 minutes is standard. 45 minutes is better for people who need more time to open up or who are navigating a complex period. 60 minutes for the quarterly conversations that blend 1:1 and career conversation.

Never:

• Run a 1:1 as a walking catch-up in a corridor
• Take the call while commuting or multitasking
• Let it run in a noisy open-plan area where neither party can speak freely

Note-taking:

Both parties should be able to take notes. Decide together where notes live - a shared doc, a personal note, a tool like Fellow or Notion. What matters is that both parties can reference what was agreed.

The manager's notes should capture:

• What the person raised
• What you agreed to do
• What they agreed to do
• Anything you observed that you want to track over time

Do not record verbatim - record what matters. Notes that go into a shared system should be written as if the person will read them (because they might).

Building the Relationship Over Time

A single 1:1 is a conversation. A year of weekly 1:1s is a relationship. The relationship is the point.

What changes over a year of well-run 1:1s:

• The person starts arriving with more on their agenda, not less
• They bring problems earlier, before they become crises
• They are more direct with you about what they need
• You have a much richer understanding of what motivates them, what worries them, what they are working on
• You can give more useful feedback because you have more context
• They trust that you will follow through on what you say

Trust in a 1:1 relationship is built through small, consistent acts. Showing up on time. Following through on what you said you would do. Remembering things they told you. Asking about things from previous sessions. Being honest even when it is uncomfortable.

Trust is destroyed through inconsistency. Cancelling repeatedly. Arriving unprepared. Promising and not delivering. Saying you have time and then checking your phone.

The measure of a 1:1 relationship is not any single conversation. It is the accumulation of conversations over time, and whether the person in front of you feels genuinely seen and supported in their work.